Divorce Empowerment

To this day, I’m far from perfect at this. I still make mistakes and decisions I regret. I catch myself getting furious over my ex’s inflexibility, or feeling powerless when he does something I don’t like. Hearing about the cool things he does with our kids sometimes leaves me feeling inadequate, even worthless. His emails can still piss me off.

Truthfully, there are many opportunities to feel enraged and alone, but I’m way, better at this than I initially was. And getting here was quite possibly the best, albeit toughest, path to self-discovery I ever (or never) could have asked for. Years after my divorce, I am stronger, calmer, healthier, and more balanced than I have ever been in my entire life.

Maybe you’re struggling, too. Maybe you’re locked in battle, either in real life (or just in your head), with an ex who is combative, chaotic, or abusive. And maybe you’re looking for a way out of the chaos, to find the peace you’ve been longing for since getting divorced. A new lease on life should, after all, feel good. But when we’re still embroiled in conflict, we can never truly be free.

I’m here to tell you it only takes one parent to decide to change their behavior and thereby change the entire high-conflict dynamic. It’s completely possible to move from what I’m calling “Divorce Remorse”—a state of sadness and shame over the loss of time with your kids because of the difficulties with your co-parent—to a state of Divorce Empowerment—living your best life, strengthening the bonds with your kids, and becoming a healthier, more resilient person. And you can do this regardless of how your ex behaves.

For the holidays, and as we walk into 2025, remember you are not alone—we are a secret club of parents who made the choice to be free from an unhappy life. Honor the difficulties and the intense emotions that come up and simultaneously breathe into the feelings of peace and freedom when you catch them. And while I may not be perfect at it, if I did it, so can you.