No matter who you are, it's a time filled with anxiety, anger, resentment, shame, and possibly conflict between you and your (soon to be) ex.

But the truth is, you’re doing this because you want and deserve a better life for yourself and your kids.

If you’re making the move to get a divorce, you may already be overwhelmed with the legal and financial logistics, paperwork, and personal difficulties. But divorce presents a tremendous opportunity for growth, even in the midst of the upheaval.

I will help you calmly navigate the challenges of divorce and give you the tools to turn this moment into an opportunity for deep and lasting life changes.

You're getting a divorce for a reason.

Helping you sort through the complex emotions and the legal practicalities of divorce, a coach can be one of your greatest allies on the journey toward freedom and healing.

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"It’s Toby’s warmth, wisdom, dedication and compassion that have given me the quality of life I have today."

Maybe you’re trying to decide whether to separate….

Because you’re afraid you’re going to make the wrong decision.
You need an unbiased, supportive ear; someone who is not just a friend or family member but who can listen to your thoughts and provide you with honest reflection.
And you want to know what it’s like on the other side—what it’s like to be divorced, live on your own, and share custody with an ex.

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Maybe you’ve decided to leave….

And you need help figuring out how to talk about it with your spouse, kids, family and friends.
You need to map out your trajectory—leaving or staying in the home, when to separate, and how.
You need help making an exit strategy, especially if you have a high-conflict spouse.
You need help getting your finances in order, choosing an attorney, and preparing your documents for court.

Maybe you’re separating or newly divorced….

And you want to have healthy, productive conversations with your spouse about all the important decisions to come.
You want to find ways to talk to your kids about the changes that will help them have a better, more positive outcome from the divorce.
You want to keep it as amicable as possible and, if it’s not possible, to learn how to handle the conflicts that arise.
You want help crafting your custody and financial agreements.
You want support navigating finding a new home, setting yourself up financially, and starting your new life.

Maybe you’re in a high conflict divorce….

You think (or know) your co-parent has narcissistic or borderline personality disorder.
You need help extricating yourself from ongoing abuse, even if you’ve already left.
Your ex’s communication with you is aggressive, accusatory, menacing, or full of lies.
You need help setting boundaries and sticking to them.
You need someone who understands the complexity of a high-conflict situation, beyond just getting legal counsel from your attorney, processing your feelings with your therapist, or colluding with your friends.
You need help crafting emails and texts that de-escalate the conflict.
You need to create a parallel parenting model because coparenting simply will not work.

"I found Toby to be remarkably supportive and understanding as I've been approaching the separation with my partner. Toby has been able to hold space for me and give the perfect antidote in that moment of grief -- a succinct nugget of wisdom that I could hold onto even after our session. It's like she could see into the future and provide sage advice that applied to that one moment and beyond. Ever grateful for Toby's magic and support through this process."

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I’m your Coach…

My mission is to help single parents make it through the trauma and hard work of divorce not just intact, but stronger than when they entered into it. I arm parents with the information, support, and tools to handle the logistical and emotional trials of divorce, while emphasizing personal empowerment and peace, regardless of how difficult or abusive the divorce process becomes.

Like any of life’s challenges, divorce is an opportunity for lasting personal change. It’s also a time for legal strategy, decision making, and clear communication. As my coaching client, I set you up to do it all–prepare and organize legal documents, take care of yourself and your kids, and heal personal beliefs that would otherwise derail your progress as you move forward into your new life.

Combining my training as a divorce coach, and my experience with my own high conflict divorce, I use every tool in my toolbox to assist my clients. I’m also a licensed acupuncturist, practicing over 20 years, specializing in the treatment of anxiety, trauma recovery, menopausal symptoms, and pediatrics. I have extensive and ongoing training in Nonviolent Communication, meditation, nutrition, and nervous system regulation, so I offer a tremendous range of support in every client’s unique situation.

My coaching practice extends to challenging the collective view of divorce from a shameful, tragic event to a holistic, transformative one. A healthy divorce can break the chains of abuse, raise the consciousness of all those involved, and release families from the societal expectation that all homes must contain married parents in order to be healthy homes. As divorced parents we have the potential to become better communicators, to set better boundaries, and to know ourselves and our kids better than before. Even at its worst, divorce is not a tragedy, it is a rite of passage.

"During a very challenging time, Toby walked with me, created safe space and asked beautiful questions which helped me discover answers that were both affirming and empowering."